Monday, 9 March 2009


photo by Lara May.

I'm trying to decide if I miss smoking or not. I don't crave cigarettes, per se, but I often miss the experience of smoking. I miss the act of deciding 'yes, I would like a cigarette now', whether it was to relax, or take a break, or chat up a cute boy. I miss pulling out a cigarette from my amazing silver jolly roger cigarette case. I miss coyly asking a young man for a light, even with my lighter buried in my bag. I miss the first, brilliant, deep breath, and the smoke filling my lungs, the nicotine coursing through my blood. I miss exhaling through my nose, and attempting (and failing) to make smoke rings. I miss the social aspect of smoking with mates, having special 'smokers' conversations, as you obviously can't smoke indoors where the rest of your non-smoking mates are. I miss accidentally lighting a cigarette backwards because I'm too drunk to realise otherwise. I miss going onto a balcony, or courtyard, or backyard, to have to light up. I miss smacking a new pack against my palm, and opening up the packaging. I miss laughing at the messages and pictures on the packs to convince us why we shouldn't smoke. I miss being a smoker, what that entails, how that identifies you.

But all in all, I don't miss smoking one bit. The whole concept of paying a company I despise to poison my own body really does just seem mad. You are truly powerless to the control it has over you. I decided, after 2 and a bit years of smoking, that I no longer wanted to be a smoker. And I better quit while I still had the power to do so. All of my parents smoked when I was a child. And despite numerous (innumerable in fact) attempts to quit, they all still smoke. I didn't want that to be me. I didn't want to set that example for my kids, and I didn't want to punish my body like that. I am learning to take pride in my body, and what it can do for me, and smoking is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to it. So yes, I do still crave cigarettes, I do miss the comfortable routine of smoking, how it relaxes me, how it helps me in social situations, but everyday, I thank myself for not punishing my body like that anymore.

But man oh man, a fag sure does taste bloody fantastic!


  1. Dude, just buy those candy cigarettes and you'll be just fiiiine. Some even have powdered smoke! Pretty realistic there!
    Also, TAG.
    I've just given you the Lemonade award! (NO idea what this is actually, but I believe that it basically means I love your blog.) Whoo!

  2. Top Dogging - I mean blogging! This almost made me want to smoke, until I read the second half. You can write, chick.